Digging Deeper

 10/08/22

When a friend is being emotional I do strive for the being a pair of ears. Empathizing. Then reminding them they deserve better than their circumstances and reminding them they have control over their life, not the situation or the people that are affecting their mood. The question was how do I feel when a friend is emotional…oops. I do feel their feels too. I feel like that’s a huge part in being there for someone you go through their emotions with them and help them get out on the other side if you will. 

How do I relate with my partner emotionally? Not very well if I do say so myself. He is a feel the feels all the way through, even if it takes three days. I understand why, we are both energy people and in order to get past the energy you have to go through it. I just move through mine a little quicker because I can think my way through my emotions. Figure out what’s mine, what’s more chemical imbalances, what’s rational and what’s not. He grew up very different, and he’ll feel the feels and think about it later which between me and you, drives me insane. We do not have similar modes of expression either. He has to talk through everything with someone, and I process it on my own, I’ll talk about it a little bit to help me rationalize what I’m feeling, to help me decipher how practical I’m being about my feels; but ultimately I’d prefer to process it on my own with the divine. I get a little more insight that suitable to me. People, I find are just baby thing more when their emotional; I take it as a learning lesson and self exploration opportunity.

What makes me uncomfortable emotionally?  Honestly I don’t know if I understand the question but here is my shot at it: Oh! I looked it up. “Signs that someone is uncomfortable with emotion include conflict avoidance, difficulty relaxing and an inability to accept compliments.” Yeah conflict makes me uncomfortable, I recently found that usually if I do have conflict which is not too too often it’s with people who don’t have the ears to ear and that will throw me for an emotional rollercoaster ride, and not the fun kind. Compliments make me feel insecure, that’s getting a little better as I’ve been trying to grow my confidence more. Ya know I would say when people try to get close to me pretty early on; it makes me uncomfortable because there’s only five people that have successfully done it and have stuck around. But my whole life I’ve had people say they “adopted” me or second mom, their my second family…. Whatever and I loved it but when it came down to execution and sticking around they rarely did, and it was like abandonment all over again. It wasn’t until high school and after college where I found my people more; but I had three ladies the other day (who were pretty intoxicated say I’m the new adoptee. I don’t question their hearts, but I do question the legitimacy a little bit. I’ve noticed too in the past there was a pattern of guys being all into me for “who I was” and because I wasn’t like most girls, “I was sweet, and conscientious and aware of the people around me”  (I’m trying not to vomit sorry. BLEH!). I am a natural cheerleader at heart, I find the best in people, try to help them realize their strengths an they ate it up. Naturally that was the goal, but over time and notice this with Chris too they would go back to their frumpy ways and I’d find myself going down with them. That’s been a recent frustration with my husband recently. I don’t know how to not go down with them and I don’t know how to encourage them in a way they believe it. It makes me uncomfortable because now I’m in a turmoil time and I don’t know how to help myself out of it. So now we’re both in a hole. I’m trying to put boundaries around him and his emotions with me, because I know I can’t help if I’m in the hole with him. So if I need to get myself out first to help him then so be it, but emotionally that is incredible uncomfortable. Another thing too, is being told one thing by one person and then being told another thing by another person. I resort to the business a lot because it’s helped me a lot with my emotions but the Bible too says man should run the household, the business encourages men to run the household. I would love for my man to run the household. I’ve spent close to three years building him up to make decisions and showing him that I am on board and yet I find him wanting me to make decisions and me pulling the trigger on things. I don’t like it, it makes me squirm. I’m understand his side of things where he doesn’t want the relationship revolving around him, but at the same time, I don’t want it revolving around me; and I don’t know how to communicate that to him. That’s uncomfortable.  Honestly I think I’ve just realized anything involving the emotions makes me uncomfortable, especially trying to express my emotions. I’ve always got them thrown back in my face, whether it be anger, frustration, sadness… my dad messed me up on that one; uh even happiness. Ya know as a kid I would REALLY enjoy a speaker or a lesson (because I’m a nerd) and someone would just bash the life out of it. I would say I really like someone they would jump right into how that person was annoying or WHATEVER. So it’s always been very uncomfortable to express my emotions because the responses where never supportive, and I got tired of people robbing me of my opinions and emotions so I just kept it all to myself that way I could feel the way I wanted without someone robbing me of them with their own opinions. Huh. I guess I had some stuff to say on that one. Irony.

My emotions and my husbands emotions in the same room are probably the most difficult thing to deal with emotionally. Last night is a prime example. I’m stressed to say the least. I finally found a place I was thriving back home (it did come with a cost: burnout and crappy owners) BUT I was good, more than good. In three months we moved three times, lived with his mom, moved across the country and bought a house and that’s not including a new job in a new industry with a crazy owner. That’s not including rat dogs that don’t stop barking that were stressing my girls out constantly. That’s not including my dog getting older and having to go up 15 steps daily. That wasn’t including a huge pay cut. Oh and the hurricane that was threatening to hit us three weeks after we moved down here. Okay. STRESSED. That being said and any female will understand when a lady is stressed the body likes to throw it back at us during that time of the month and what’s normally a “I’m a garbage disposal for a week prior” becomes a “I’m going to rip someone’s head off if they try telling me anything, and then I’m going to take some drugs and sob because somehow I’m the victim in the scenario anyway and then I’m going to go apologize to that person because I know I was slightly irrational and then by then the drugs should kick, I’ll slam an energy drink and we are good to go. Ready for date night! Yeah that was last night. But I had frustrations with the business again, well as soon as I said that he was oh yeah….yada yada yada I don’t know how we’re going to do it, it feels impossible. I know this is just a part of it but I really need something, and that party lasted ALL NIGHT LONG. I went to bed at 8:30 because I was so irritated but can’t show that I’m irritated. Then AFTER we come home he says “I’m sorry I FEEL (barf!! I hate that word so much) I feel like I ruined date night.” REALLY?! We didn’t want to have that realization at all during the four hours we were out, we waited until we got home. Then he picks up his laptop and starts looking at his stuff he’s working on with Andrew and he’s fine. I’m sorry FUCK YOU! His emotions and his coping skills enrage me. I’ve been needing to talk to Theresa about it for weeks now and I think today might become the day. I’ve been a little too stress lately and a lot of anger has been surfacing because of it. So I think it’s time to seek some perspective on that. Cheers! (Six o clock in the morning isn’t too early for a drink is it 😅?)

Ha! What would I need to feel emotionally safe? Stability! Emotional stability from the people around me, and life stability. A structured routine, planned events that we actually go to because that’s what’s in the calendar. Financial stability. Not living nomadically for once in my lifetime. Having friends that I can trust and talk to about my emotions. Being around people with intellect and the includes an EQ. Uh I mean just stability in the external I think would help create a lot of peace and bodily stability (emotional). I think me getting consistent about my lifestyle would create emotional stability; having a physical release for my anger in a healthy way. I think I’m going to sign up for kickboxing here soon; because I can REALLY push myself and the pain and the adrenaline is addictive to say the least.

What would I consider emotionally healthy? Being able to feel the feels, embrace the feels and then move on from the feels to even keel. I absolutely love what Maxwell teaches. Any celebrations or griefs, experience those highs and lows for 24 hours and then keep moving. I just think that is absolutely genius, life is too short and there is entirely too much to do to be getting caught up and stuck in emotions that are always temporary. Emotionally healthy I think is seeking perspective on emotions. They are temporary and they are intense, I can’t knock people for getting stuck in them, I still get stuck in them. But any normalization of life, any normalization of feeling the feels and any advice on how to “cope” if you will I think is huge. What do I think is emotionally unhealthy? I find it incredibly unhealthy partaking in coping in ways that will have longer term consequences. Drinking, sex, drugs, entertainment, avoidance in anyway shape or form especially in the form of self sabotage I think is the most unhealthy thing you can do for yourself emotionally. All those things bandaid it and suppress the emotions further and when you try to stop or change the emotions come back with a VENGEANCE. The author of the Art of Fear wrote how when people lock up their negative emotions, fear and anger and sadness in the basement that team up and sulk and start talking about how they’re all neglected. If/when you go to let them out they have however long you left them down there to go absolutely insane it’s like letting bats out of hell and the emotions are overwhelming. It’s not pretty. How would I like to change emotionally? My biggest  change I went to work on is experiencing and anticipating more positive emotions. I want to physically feel loved and physically feel like I can give/express love to my husband. I want to physically feel and anticipate excitement that our life is going to be absolutely incredible because we are going diamond. I want to feel and anticipate the overwhelming love and gratitude for my chosen family that is going to run along side us in life. I want to feel and anticipate what it’s going to be like to have Howie and Theresa Danzik has some of our best friends. I want to feel what it’s like to anticipate all the incredible places I know we are going to go see and experience on a 1st class level. I want to feel all that now. I want to get my hopes up. I want it to hurt so bad that I have not choice but to go out and build the business. I want to feel that I can connect with people on such a level that in a five minute window they will know how much I care about them and want the best for them. That’s how I want to change emotionally. I want to find those feelings within myself and overwhelm my conscious mind with them so I can turn my reality into everything I’ve ever dreamed of. Dispenza I’m counting on you, man!