All Emotions Still Welcomed!

 10/07/22

I would say I do a little bit of processing the moment, and I stew. I’m basing it on the last emotional tornado I was in. I was processing frustration along the way and reminding myself it could get better so hang tight, but by month three I definitely snapped as if I was stewing. But I vented to Chris aloe the way but the frustration still escalated to anger, and then from there I was able to turn into….I don’t think forgiveness is the right word but from anger towards her to sympathy and wishing her the best. I think if I’m not to that point, I’m close. I think I’ve ridded most of the anger, but I have a call with Tracey soon so we will see if that provokes anything, but I’m speaking it won’t. 

I’ve mentioned it a couple times, when I’m upset, I allow my emotion to have it’s space until it’s released everything. I cry if I need to. I give myself a little pep talk. I have a scary level of patience so when I’m upset I tell myself I need to give the situation or the person time, and that’ll hold me over a little bit. Then if it comes up frequently that’s when I have to question my next moves, and if it’s still bothering me to the point I can’t sleep I’ll try writing about it, because at that point it’s physically bothering me, and usually I’ll talk about it a time or two up until this point, and if I’m still upset I need to part with the situation or the person.

Do I process with someone? Not usually, usually I’m a solo processor but Chris has been encouraging me over the years to talk about things with him more; and I have seen the benefit of that as well but I still do need that alone time too. 

I love talking about karma. That’s a tricky question so I’m gong to word vomit for a minute on that one. I think there may have been some emotional karma wrapped inside me. I’ve always had a fear (not to an irrational level) since I was a kid of people stalking and killing me; but I grew up incredibly safe; but I used to drive around thinking I was going to have like a freak accident and be mangled in a car accident too, and I always welcomed death or was going to be okay with being killed in that way. I did have a psychic tell me I’ve been murdered multiple times in my past life, so I think that’s why I have a lot of anxiety about being out about in the world. I feel like I’m exposing myself to my potential murderer and sometimes I think I would never know it; but I like to think that’s past life stuff and if I’ve wanted to die for this long and still haven’t this will be the life I live out fully so that alleviates that fear. Plus I think about a full life with Chris and I can’t imagine that being taken away from me. 

Oof when the family gets emotional, I feel their feels. My parents are tough cookies and they avoid their feelings a trillion times more than I do so if they’re emotional I try to go through their emotions the way. I go through mine. Allow the time and space to be upset, be with them, empathize, love on them and then talk them through it. Encourage them, say I’m proud of them for going through the feels j